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the saddest blog that ever was
8.25.2003:
people gleam in little bits and pieces, a dull knife sharpened irregularly. the woman at the library had hands just like my mothers, fingernails bent and upturned like a perpetual puppy being perpetually disappointed, fingers spent with the washing of dishes and folding of clothes and holding of obstinate children who refused to stay. i havent held those hands in a long time. startled to see a pollock i liked tremendously. i stare, fascinated. the void, or the deep, from much later on in his life. if its the void he does it better than kapoor, who is not so bad at voiding. but i think its the deep. he smelled faintly of mint gum and we collaborated on the crosswords. 26 across clue: the culmination of lent, easter. i liked that, culmination of. far off a leopard crying, missing his spots. days pass by all froth--bubbly and evanescent. i wait for the stillness beneath to assert itself, peak and then wind itself down. i am not really like this i think, other people are not really like this i wonder. been reading too many terrible minot novels and watching gosford park too much. clive owens i like as valet and as gambler. in croupier he says: hang on tightly, let go lightly. he means throwing dice the right way but he also means more than dice. in genealogy of morals n. loves the dice game. amor fati eh? amor fati. apparently hegel was the life of the party: pretty, popular, well-liked, a drinker, a dice thrower. "the author of phenomenology of mind loved to socialize, enjoyed good wines, and played cards and the national lottery." (theatre/theory/theatre 315). ok not pretty but schopenhauer scheduled his lectures at the exact same hours as g.w.f.'s and left the university of berlin and academia forever because nobody came to arthurs office hours and nobody loved him. they all loved hegel. terrified that i am obsessed with such mundane, banal trivialities as the social life of hegel. next thing will be me gasping at what brand of knickers he wore to swath his old prostates. rather be reveling in...what? next post less annoying i PROMISE!
Blog // 11:47 PM
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