the saddest blog that ever was

5.22.2007:

i havent written any more posts in 2007. happiness dries the tongue as well as the eyes? matthew marlin. is so different. my happiness. is so different. its shining a creature of softer purr - its blinding brightness diffused, declawed. happiness is no longer a blunt instrument of my unraveling. he gathers my yarns and knits me whole again. who knew that soft happiness would be like this? sometimes i miss you so hard and fierce it is like a diamond piercing me through my throat, a sharp angular geometricity trying to force its way not up, but sheer out my lungs exploding from my mouth on its own cruel forward momentum. yet i insist on trying to swallow, and gulp the fast huge breaths of air that contain the sounds of my hearts beatings, my arms beating furiously like wings, like moths dipping and breaking on the waves in their path to fire. the ocean is matt. he sets me free. still at times when i swim in the dark, it is only the old ghosts i can see.

Blog // 2:23 AM

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